The High Calling of Fatherhood

JULY 2023

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The Faces of God by Seth Brown

Spiritual Renewal

We recently did a survey with the men who attended our men’s breakfast. One of the questions was about topics of interest to men. Several came to the top of the list, such as marriage, finances, and family, but the one that was most chosen was on the topic of spiritual renewal.

So, I’ve been doing some thinking about this subject. What does spiritual renewal actually mean? I’m not claiming to offer any deep, mystical, or new insights but rather my opinion on what it means to me and how to discover a renewal process. Is there a formula? Best practices?

I do think spiritual renewal can be confused with some kind of “emotional” experience. I have many memories of being at Falls Creek and getting caught up in the moment as a youth. Those were formative times and experiences for me. I would come home with lots of energy and enthusiasm, only to dry up within a week or two of leaving the cocoon of Falls Creek. I believe that true spiritual renewal (joy) is more than an emotional experience, although our emotions can definitely be a part of experiencing spiritual renewal.

My wife and I, along with several of our friends from Council Road, went to Israel this spring. It was an awesome experience and has changed or enhanced my understanding and reading of the scriptures. I would highly recommend a trip if you ever get a chance. There was one disappointment that I experienced on the trip, though. To say it was a disappointment is probably an exaggeration, but I thought I would have these wonderful moments of spiritual awakenings while in the Holy Lands. I found many of the sites breathtaking and awe-inspiring, but I seemed to have left my emotions in the States. I didn’t have some great emotional experience that I imagined I would have. I did receive wonderful fellowship and many new insights into the scriptures, and my spirit was uplifted and my faith strengthened. My joy was increased while my emotions remained steady to flat. I had incorrectly thought I would have an emotional experience to confirm my spiritual renewal.

I know this to be true: our spiritual state is not dependent on our emotional state. There is a connection, but our spiritual state is so much more. And yet, it’s easy to equate our emotional state to our spiritual state.

I do have difficulty articulating exactly what I mean by spiritual state, but I believe most of you reading this understand this point. We are more than our current set of emotions. It’s possible to be profoundly sad and yet have a deep level of joy.

All this to get to the main question, “How do you experience spiritual renewal?” The short answer is, I’m not sure and I believe it’s different for everyone. I can tell you what renews my spirit, but your “formula” will look a little different than mine. I do think we can extract some general truths across multiple people groups and apply them to our lives.

I do know that spiritual renewal for me is usually experienced in unusual ways and at unexpecting times. The one thing I have found to be consistently true is that I must practice spiritual disciplines. When I’m consistent with the things I know to be spiritually good for me, I improve my odds of experiencing renewal.

I believe there is a good analogy to be thought of when thinking about this subject. If you want to get physically renewed, you must exercise, eat clean, get plenty of rest, get a checkup, etc. These things take effort. I don’t think spiritual renewal will happen without some effort on our part. I know God can do anything He chooses, but from my experience, I have found that He will not do for me what I should do for myself.

This is a deep subject, and we haven’t really scratched the surface. I want to continue our discussion on spiritual renewal in our next Memo. Maybe now is a good time to go for a run?

Please send me your comments or questions to curtis@manupministry.net.

Author: Dr. Curtis Brown

The High Calling of Fatherhood

One of the highest callings a man can have on his life is the role of father. The impact a godly man has on his family cannot be overstated. In fact, Jesus made the point in Mark 3:27 that the way the enemy attacks a family is by “binding up” the strong, godly father in the home:

No one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man. And then he will plunder his house.

This accentuates one of the most important roles that a man has in life: that of a protector. God made men strong with aggressive instincts, because men are to bring those tendencies within their nature under the submission of God’s word and Holy Spirit to be the spiritual leader, protector, and provider for his family.

This past week, a deranged killer entered a playground in France full of women and children and began stabbing many innocent victims. My heart sank as I watched the video—it hit me that the one thing that was missing that allowed the cowardice killer to continue his violent rampage was strong men. There were no protectors. The absence of a “strong man” was the reason the attacker felt the freedom to continue his assault.

It was a vivid picture of why God has created the man to lead the home with protective strength.

Additionally, the Bible describes the role of father as being an encourager, comforter, and motivator. Look at this verse in 1 Thessalonians 5 as Paul describes how he acted as a father would to his children in his relationship with that church:

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

When strong men are absent from the home, society suffers the consequences.

Dr. David Popenoe, Professor of Sociology at Rutgers University and Co-Director of the National Marriage Project, has provided us with a good summary and overview of the subject. Here’s what he has to say:

Fathers are far more than just “second adults” in the home. Involved fathers—especially biological fathers—bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring. They provide protection and economic support and male role models. They have a parenting style that is significantly different from that of a mother and that difference is important in healthy child development. —David Popenoe, Life Without Father (New York: The Free Press, 1996), p. 163.

One of the most vital aspects of a dad’s contribution to the lives of his kids lies precisely in what Dr. Popenoe calls his “significantly different parenting style.” I’ll make the obvious point that seems controversial to anyone bought in to a non-biblical worldview: Men and women parent differently. Dads love their children “more dangerously.” That’s because they play rougher and are more likely to encourage risk-taking. They provide kids with a broader diversity of social experiences. They also introduce them to a wider variety of methods of dealing with life. They tend to stress rules, justice, fairness, and duty in discipline. In this way, they teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong. They give kids insight into the world of men.

Here are a few examples of some of the relevant research:

Eighty-two percent of studies on father involvement and child well-being published since 1980 found “significant associations between positive father involvement and offspring well-being . . .” —Paul R. Amato and Fernando Rivera, “Paternal Involvement and Children’s Behavior Problems,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 61 (1999): 375–384.
In an analysis of over one hundred studies on parent-child relationships, it was found that having a loving and nurturing father was as important for a child’s happiness, well-being, and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother. Some studies even indicated father-love was a stronger contributor to some important positive child well-being outcomes. —Ronald P. Rohner and A. Veneziano, “The Importance of Father Love: History and Contemporary Evidence,” Review of General Psychology 5.4 (2001): 382–405.
According to child psychiatrist Kyle Pruett, a father’s more active play style and comparatively slower response to a toddler or infant experiencing frustration serve to promote problem-solving competencies and independence in the child. —Kyle D. Pruett, Father Need: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (New York: The Free Press, 2000), p. 41–42.
In the words of Dr. Pruett, “positive father care is associated with more pro-social and positive moral behavior in boys and girls” (Pruett, 2000, p. 52). This is borne out by research from the University of Pennsylvania, which indicates that children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college, 75 percent less likely to have a child in their teen years, 80 percent less likely to be incarcerated, and half as likely to show various signs of depression. —Frank Furstenberg and Kathleen Harris, “When and Why Fathers Matter: Impacts of Father Involvement on Children of Adolescent Mothers,” in Young Unwed Fathers: Changing Roles and Emerging Policies, R. Lerman and T. Ooms, eds. (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1993).
In a 26-year-long study, researchers found that the number one factor in developing empathy in children was father involvement. Fathers spending regular time alone with their children translated into children who became compassionate adults. —Richard Koestner, et al., “The Family Origins of Empathic Concern: A Twenty-Six-Year Longitudinal Study,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 58 (1990): 709-717.

This is why I say that the importance of a strong, godly man in the home cannot be overstated. It is a high calling that needs celebrating!

Author: Dr. Rick Thompson, Senior Pastor Council Road Baptist Church

Blowout Diapers, Sleepless Nights, and Ice Cream

Fatherhood is hard. I’m sure you’ve heard all about it. There are endless stories about blowout diapers, sleepless nights, and burping gone wrong. Maybe those stories are just something dads tell to encourage themselves. Maybe a small part of it is prideful. A little like those guys who show up at the gym and after two curls spend 15 minutes flexing in front of a mirror.

It is true, though: changing diapers can be hard. Especially in the middle of the night. It means you lay down your will, your life, your needs to serve your spouse and child. Diaper changes are a small example of sacrificial love that is valuable, but only the beginning. Literally, it may be one of the first things you do after you welcome your child in the delivery room. Unfortunately, this is where it ends for many dads. It’s one of those things that looks good on the outside, so many do it without any emotional investment.

The hardest things about parenthood are those that will challenge your soul, the ones that require deep emotional investment and time. They have a way of reorienting your deepest beliefs of who you are and what really matters in life. I have found that the Lord will teach you things He’s been saying for millennia through the actions of a two-year-old. All we have to do is be aware of our surroundings and slow down long enough to allow ourselves the opportunity to see the burning bush that is not being consumed.

Almost every morning, I give both my boys a hug and a kiss before I go to work. I tell them that I love them and encourage them to choose to be happy. I’m sure there are better things to do or say, but it works for us. Some mornings, my oldest just cannot let go. He wants a little more time and/or attention. I often feel the frustration rise and think: “If only I can make him understand why I need to leave right this minute.” The truth is, an extra three minutes isn’t going to make me late, but that’s what I was thinking. And one morning, it hit me.

We live in a culture of upward and forward momentum, where if you are not working at your limit in the search of the next raise or promotion, you are at risk of jeopardizing your family’s entire future and even losing social status. If you don’t make enough money at the end of the month to buy all the things you think you need to buy, you are failing as the provider of your home. We have gotten to the point that almost anything is worth sacrificing for a bigger paycheck, that newer car that has more features, or even good things like inheritance.

Eli, on the contrary, lives in the present. Squeezing all the life out of every second he gets his hands on (one of the biggest tyrannies of TV for children is that it numbs them to this feeling). He licks the last drop out of that ice cream that melted and is sitting at the bottom of the cup. The extra hug in the morning is of utmost importance, and work is secondary. He’s a little more like a bird or a lily in a field if you catch my drift. I, on the contrary, can be anxious and forget why we do what we do.

I’m not saying delayed gratification, work, or seeking financial freedom is bad. All I’m asking is that you consider the real cost and motivations and find the balance that works for your family’s situation. Is it worth it? Do you look at the time spent with your father growing up and wish he had worked more while you were a child? Are we going through the motions of fatherhood according to our cultural moment? Can we slow down long enough to get the most out of what fatherhood offers us and what we can offer as fathers?

Author: Nico Cornu. Nico is the father of three beautiful children and is originally from Argentina. He lives with his wife Julie and three children in Yukon, Oklahoma. He works as a home builder for Beacon Homes.

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